Backwards, Forwards, In Between

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recently came out with some new car seat guidelines that have half the country in a tizzy.  I know this because I nearly got into a brawl on Facebook when I posted a link to an article about the new recommendations.

You know, a lot of these columns end up being about me starting trouble on Facebook, don’t they? I should just stop talking to people on that site. There goes my social life.

In all seriousness, I need to tell you guys that am not typically a rule follower. Remember, you’re talking to the chick who got her and lets her kids say.  

Couple that with the fact that I think about 89% of what comes out of the AAP is garbage, and you’ll probably understand that I don’t generally pay too much attention to what they have to say.

I have my own ideas about parenting and about the best ways to keep my kids safe. And guess what that includes? CAR SEATS. Go figure. And with this, the AAP and I are on the same page. (That was a writer pun. Get it?)

The recommendation is that kids stay rear facing until at least two, or until they are grown out of their rear facing car seat.  This is not a new recommendation. Previously, the AAP had said that babies who are under one year and less than 20 pounds had to be rear facing. But they also said that rear facing is the safest position for your children in case of an accident, for as long as they fit in their seat.

Now, the question comes up, often, how can a child be comfortable sitting rear facing that long?  Well, it’s done. All the time. Kimmie was rear facing until she was about 18 months old, and the only reason I flipped her around was because she was getting unhappy about not being able to see me when we were in the car. 

I think back to that decision and wish that I had looked into the advantages of staying rear facing before I made it. Specifically, I wish I'd seen this video.  I think you should watch it. It’s a good visual of what I’m talking about a couple paragraphs down. 

Had I done a little more thinking and research, I would have ridden it out. She’d have gotten over it. I’m thankful that we haven’t been in any accidents that gave me real cause to regret flipping that seat.

The fact is, kids can be comfortable rear facing for a good long time. Let them worry about that part of it. They’ll put their legs in the most comfortable position for them and move them as necessary.  Your job is to keep them safe. And rear facing car seats are simply safer.

In a front facing seat, the straps hold the child’s shoulders and back in place. What about her head?  That’s where the danger lies.  Because a child can be the victim of “internal decapitation,” where the spinal cord is severed simply from being stretched too far.

You can go to YouTube and search "rear facing car seats" and find all kinds of videos of crash tests, as well as videos of kids fitting nicely in their rear facing seats. 

As it happens, neither of my kids are fitting in their car seats any more. They’ve both exceeded the weight limit. Joey’s seat was replaced by a booster about a year ago, when she was four, almost five. I am in the market for a new five point harness seat for Kimmie, that will exceed a 35 pound weight limit. In the meantime, she is in a booster, and I am driving amazingly slowly. In fact, if you see me on the highway, just go around. The horn beeping just makes me go slower.

Yes, I know, you are a safe driver.  But you see that guy? The one who just ran a stop sign and nearly mowed down an old lady on her way to church? Yeah, he’s not a safe driver. And those are the ones you have to look out for. 

It only takes a split second to change your life, and your child’s life, forever.  The AAP isn’t in charge of your family, or my family, and I disagree with a lot of what they have to say, but not this. 

And because I can’t seem to write a column lately without a personal anecdote, here’s one.  When I was five, my father and I were driving to church. It was 1981, and so all these interfering rules about where kids belong in cars weren’t around yet. So I got to sit in the front seat, and I didn’t even have a seat belt on.

Joey is always aghast when I tell this story. That’s the part that freaks her out the most.

I can still remember bouncing around the front seat. Then there is a blur of movement in my memory and I am suddenly lying on the floor of the car, under the dashboard. My father is picking me up and yelling at someone, and I am crying at him to “Please don’t fight.”

We T-boned a car that ran the stop sign on a one way street, hit a parked car, and ricocheted back into the intersection. I can clearly remember looking at our car and seeing the hood straight up in the air, and the front end crumpled beneath it.  What I don’t remember are the weeks of nightmares and not being able to sleep, or being afraid to get in a car again. I know these things happened because my mom’s told me.

No, I wasn’t seriously hurt. (I hit my head, mostly. No damage done there, as my dad would tease.)  I could have been. I could have gone through the windshield. I could have broken a bone. I could have broken my neck.  All those could haves are enough for me to keep my kids as safe and strapped in as I can in a car.

It takes a split second... a split second I could regret for the rest of my life.  I’m just not willing to take that gamble.