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Health & Fitness

Bring 'Em Back Alive

How to save the Republican Party

Telling people what they don’t want to hear is kind of what I do. Some people sell cars, some people draw portraits with ball point pens, I tell people the way things are, instead of the way they want them to be. Romney is a yutz, but he's less of a yutz than Obama. He still lost. The most insidious part is that he didn’t have to lose—Republicans allowed it to happen.

The number of Republicans and conservatives who want to just take their toys and go home, and no longer even participate in the process any more is just mind-boggling. People are claiming that this is the end of America and they don’t even want to try any more. They're flying flags upside down and behaving like spoiled children. Why does everything have to be so melodramatic?

You’re doing exactly what Democrats and liberals want. They want you to break down and give up so that they can have their way. I didn’t make it through a devastating childhood to have property and life taken from me and regulated by a bunch of idiots. I am not going to hide in a hole until things change. I am going to make things happen.

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We have to stop waiting for Superman. We have to stop waiting for “another Reagan.” Reagan doesn’t exist anymore, and neither do the circumstances under which he was president. This is a different time, with different circumstances, and we have plenty of strong candidates who can go out there and win if we would just let them.

We have to stop setting ourselves up to fail with milquetoast candidates for whom no one has any enthusiasm. Can anyone really say they were excited about Romney as a candidate? Were you excited about McCain? Or any of the other homogenized choices we were offered in the primaries? Republicans must be bold and nominate bold candidates, not plastic mannequins with spray tans and too much Brylcreem. We have to take chances. When we go with the "safe" choice, we lose. It's that simple.

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At the same time, the witch hunt for RINOs must end, and it must end NOW. Every time someone disagrees with any little part of the Republican platform, people grab their torches and pitchforks screaming “RINO! NEOCON!” How is weeding out RINOs working out for us? I’m guilty of it. A lot of us are. It drives away moderates, and we need their votes. We have to stop riding people out on a rail because they don’t support every little thing.

We must make a new commitment to big tent conservatism. I’m not talking about African-Americans, Hispanics, women or other traditional minorities. We already have diversity in all those areas, and Charles Krauthammer is right on track on how to pull in more. I’m talking about the marginalized Republicans that nobody wants to bother with.

It is time for Republicans to not just welcome, but embrace gays, artists, filmmakers, actors, IT professionals, non-Christians, and other huge groups with large portions of silent conservatives. These are people who we traditionally associate with liberal values, so we don’t bother with them. The party as a whole has traditionally not welcomed them, so they don’t bother with us. These people are scared to talk to their social groups because liberals will pulverize them. If they walk into a Republican office and offer help, Republicans tell them to stuff envelopes and get on the phones as they look down their noses at them.

We’re not just missing out on a huge segment of voters here. We’re missing out on highly talented people who won’t just vote Republican, but can contribute to the campaign in all kinds of unique ways.  IT people can volunteer to build an online Republican website and social networking system. Artists, filmmakers and actors can design graphics, logos, write speeches and create slick commercials and political cartoons. Gays, non-Christians and others can reach voters on the street—the people who run from “traditional” Republicans, but they’ll listen to these other people.

Why are we wasting such valuable resources? We should be courting these groups, not driving them away. 

The religious right is going to have to step aside and put a sock in it for a while. We are going to have to take religion out of politics. I’m sorry, but where is it getting us? You’ve got some bitter pills to swallow here. There was no excuse for staying home and not voting at all because you don’t like Romney’s religion. Not only was it stupid, but it proved the Democrats right—that we are not the party of inclusion.

That has to change. It’s time to invite Pagans, Muslims, Jews, Sikhs, Hindus and all other faiths. The party must welcome the Gothic subculture and other cultural movements that are truly conservative at the core. In case you’ve forgotten, the idea is to win. Shutting people out is not going to accomplish this. Just opening the door won't work; we have to show them we want their votes and talents, and that we appreciate them.

The core Republican base is going to have to step aside and let us drive this thing for a while before we end up in a ditch with a flat tire that we can’t fix.

Republicans have to learn how to appeal to people who are only in it for the free stuff. They claim that this is another no-win scenario, but that’s not true. Every day people buy Windows even though Linux is available for free. People buy Photoshop when Gimp is free. People understand the value of things they have purchased. The key is not giving another phone to the Obamaphone lady. The key is showing her the iPhone that we bought with our own money, and showing her how she can do it, too. We have to speak to them in a language that they understand. We can’t afford to wait for them to understand us.

The biggest thing that Republicans are going to have to accept if they truly want to avert America's collision course with destiny, is that we need to win. The problem is that you want to BEAT them. You want to ride in on a white unicorn, with a rainbow behind you atop a green hill, with your golden sword in one hand and the constitution in the other. You want unconditional surrender as the skies open, birds are singing and velvet ropes part, as the opposition bends down on one knee.

Now more than ever you have to accept that this is not going to happen. We don’t need that to happen. You want to beat them, when all we have to do is win. That’s a huge problem.

I’m tired of losing, and I’m tired of Republicans setting themselves up to fail, then whining when they don’t win. I don’t like to lose, and I’m not taking my toys and going home. When you wake up from the hangover, we’ll be waiting for you in the big tent. There is room for everyone.

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