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The Next Time I Hear No, I'm Gonna Blow

My toddler's favorite word makes me want to explode. Can I fix this?

No.

Kimmie’s favorite word is “No.”  Guess what my least favorite word is.

That’s not a coincidence.

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If you had told me, before I had a toddler, that two little letters could turn me into a volcano of quivering rage-jello, I’d have laughed right in your face. Which might have turned you in the rage volcano. So I’m glad that never came up.

In all seriousness, the only thing that gets me madder faster than a toddler’s stubborn “no” is a waitress telling me they’re out of creme brulee.  Those are fighting words, my friends.

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This morning, I threatened to teach Kimberly how to fly. This was following a morning full of angry, stubborn “No’s.”

“Come get dressed.”  “No.”

“Eat your breakfast.” “No.”

“Put on your shoes.” “No.”

“Come on, Kim. Get in the car.” “No.”

Do you know how many times I can hear the word “No” before I’ve had my coffee? Exactly 4.5.  I know that, because the next time Kimmie said “N...”, I threatened to tie her to a million balloons and let her go find the house from Up.

You know, when an adult tells me “no,” I don’t drop my basket.  That’s only when my kids are hitting me with a volley of “no’s,” as if they get a prize if they get me to say a bad word.

Then again, when is the last time an adult just said “no” to you?  All petulant-like, with a pouty lower lip and a dare in their eyes?

Yeah, me either.

Adults don’t communicate that way. Well, there are a couple reasons for that, I think. Most obvious, is that we typically give a reason why we don’t want to do something.

“Do you wanna grab a mocha frappe?” “Nah, I had three cups of coffee at the office and I am wired.”

The other piece of the puzzle... Well, I’ll ask you.  Do you know what it is?

No?

Okay, I’ll tell you.

We don’t typically tell each other what to do. We ask.

“Want to get some lunch?”

“Can you come over here?”

“Would you hand me that soldering iron?”

So, I know that we’re not all going to just start treating our kids like adults tomorrow. Who would watch Spongebob? But I wonder, and I might be reaching here, but I wonder what would happen if I treated Kimmie a little more politely.  Maybe if I asked her “Hey, do you want to eat some breakfast?” she’d say “No, I’m not hungry.”  Or if I said “Kim, will you please get in the car?” she might respond by saying “But you didn’t do the button on my fleece, and I want the button done on my fleece.”

Don’t laugh too much. She talks like this. She started speaking in full sentences and never. Freaking. Stopped.

Anyone want to do a little experiment with me?  For the rest of this week, let’s all try to ask our kids to do things, instead of telling them.  Let’s check it out on kids of all ages (I’ll work on a three year old and a five year old, ‘cause that’s what I’ve got, folks. You all handle the rest), and can we report back on Monday?  

Did I just give us homework?  Well, my mom always did want me to be a teacher.  

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