Substitute Teaching Is Not for the Faint of Heart

Over the years, I have supplemented my writing income by working as an alternate teacher. In plain speak, I have been a substitute, or what's otherwise known as a 'sub': that towering figure looming between the school hallway and classroom door; an imposing, somewhat feared authority figure who immediately commands respect from the students anxiously rushing to their seats well before the bell rings.

Yeah, well, if only in my dreams. Like the famous Rodney Dangerfield line, "I can’t get no respect" whenever I have worked as an alternate teacher. I could live with a little horseplay in the classroom like a random paper plane attack to my frontal lobe or an occasional seating chart debaucle. An about face to the wall where the intercom is connected to the principal's office and a roomful of chatty cathies becomes eerily quiet in a matter of a millisecond. At least that's how it goes down in elementary schools.

High school is another story – or more like another dimension in time and space. To summarize, I didn’t last a week. Enough said.

Most of my days as a substitute teacher were spent in New Jersey classrooms filling in for elementary and middle school teachers. The pay was good and hey, you can’t beat the hours, right? In most parts of the country only 60 college credits are required to work as an alternate teacher, and from a few recent phone calls to local school districts, substitute work appears to be a very popular field these days.

With so few jobs and so many folks desperately seeking any type of employment, school districts are literally being slammed with applications. The mad dash to make the cut before school starts has caused some districts to declare on their websites that “SUBSTITUTE TEACHING APPLICATIONS WILL NO LONGER BE ACCEPTED."

If you've been thinking about subbing, though, don’t be discouraged if the person for whom the school bell tolls is not you. That's because many may dare to fill out an application packet that resembles a volume of the encyclopedia, but only a chosen few will learn once they pass through the ivy covered portals that they possess the necessary skills to last longer than fifteen minutes inside a classroom.

I tip my hat to any of you who return to work the next day, the next week, or anytime a call comes in to replace another substitute who abandoned ship. Succeeding as a substitute teacher is no easy matter. More than a few have been found cowering in the recesses of their basements when the phone rings for another turn as a substitute teacher.

Surely, you may be asking yourself, substitute teaching can’t be too demanding and aren’t those tykes simply adorable?

Yes, sure. But for the record, next time you see a regular teacher who does this all the time, five days a week, three seasons a year, give them a salute and a hearty handshake.

Believe me, no matter what you think of their vacation, salaries, and benefits, they really do earn it.

If you doubt it, well, fill out one of those substitute teacher applications. Just make sure your hospitalization is paid up first!