This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own.

Community Corner

Mom Q&A: How do I keep them safe without hovering?

Crime may be down, but the fear of crime is way, way up.

I’m struggling with letting my kids just go outside and play.  My neighborhood is safe, as far as I know, and we have lots of neighbors that we know and are friendly with. But, still, in this day and age, I have a hard time when the kids want to go outside, and I can’t go with them.  Help?

You don’t mention how old your kids are, so let me preface this by saying if they’re too young, you should be outside with them. Now, how young is too young depends on the circumstances. Are we talking about a fenced in yard, or are they playing on the sidewalk? Really busy street, or quiet cul-de-sac?  And of course, my usual disclaimer also applies; you know your children best. I’ve met some four-year-olds that I would let play in my yard alone, and I’ve met some eight-year-olds that I think should definitely be more supervised.  So keeping all this in mind....

I’m maybe a little puzzled by your phraseology, “in this day and age.”  Because, in actuality, crime right now is at an all-time low in most areas of the country, including ours.  Crime reporting is way, way up, though. Which scares the crap out of us, of course. 

Find out what's happening in Woodbridgewith free, real-time updates from Patch.

When all you hear about on the news is children getting kidnapped, or people getting mugged or murdered, yeah, you want to keep your kids inside, safely ensconced in plastic bubbles, playing their Nintendo DS.  I know, really, I feel the same way.

But let me say it again, and bold it this time. Crime is down. The problem isn’t that more people are committing crimes, the problem is that all we have to do is spend two seconds in front of any screen; TV, computer, even our smartphones, to feel like this world is a much more dangerous place than the one we grew up in.

Find out what's happening in Woodbridgewith free, real-time updates from Patch.

I’m going to offer two resources to any parent who is wanting to teach their kids a healthy dose of wariness, without making them afraid of every person they see, and for any parent who wants to let their kids play without hovering over them.  The first is a book by Gavin de Becker, called Protecting the Gift; Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and parents sane).  In fact, the book he wrote previous to this is a good read as well: The Gift of Fear.  I suggest you check them both out.

The other resource is Lenore Skenazy’s website, Free-Range Kids. Lenore once wrote an article about allowing her 11 year old son ride the New York City subway alone (they live in NYC), and ended up on national television defending herself against labels like “Worst Mom in the World.”  She began the website shortly thereafter, as a place for likeminded parents to gather.  Maybe you won’t subscribe to all her ideas, which is fine, but you are likely to find good solid information there, as well as encouragement and support for being as “free-range” as you are comfortable with.

Coincidentally, this weekend is the second annual “Take Our Kids to the Park and Leave Them There” day. It’s geared towards children about 8 years old and above, and the idea is to bring your kids to the park, and, well, yeah, leave them there for a little while. The idea is that kids will learn better social skills playing with each other without being able to run to us whenever they’re upset, as well as giving them an opportunity to meet other kids in the area and make new friends.  My kids are too young for this just yet, but, they’ll be in the backyard alone, no doubt, on Saturday.  If this rain ever stops.

Hope some of this is helpful! And thanks for your question!

We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here

The views expressed in this post are the author's own. Want to post on Patch?