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Mom Q&A: How to Have a Stress Free Holiday

The holiday season can seem like a never ending to-do list. Here are some ideas to help out.

Christmas used to be my favorite holiday of the year, and I figured once I had kids, it would be even better. Instead, though, I find myself dreading it more and more each year. There are just so many things I have to do before the big day that once it finally gets here, all I really want to do is take a long nap.  What can I do to manage some of the holiday stress?

 

I thought the same thing! I clearly remember thinking, on the Christmas when I was pregnant with my older daughter, how much better this whole Christmas thing would be "next year, when the baby is here."

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Ha!

After doing the Parent Holiday Shuffle for the past six years, though, I might be able to help you out.  Here are some top tips, tested by yours truely. 

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  1. Talk to your immediate family and find out what's the most special thing about Christmas to them. Then get rid of everything else.  Well, as much of everything else as you can. If your daughter says her favorite thing is dinner at Grandma's on Christmas Day, hold on to it. If your son looks forward to chopping down a live tree every year (and honestly? In my family, it's my younger daughter who'd be all over that if we let her near a saw), then don't go out and buy a prelit fake tree. Keep in mind that it's everyone's holiday, and everyone will have things that are special. Don't assume you know what those things are, though.

  2. Once you know everyone's must-do's, look at the rest of the stuff you do during the season and see where you can start paring things down.  If you normally host a holiday feast and you are just exhausted even thinking about it, ask your sister to do it this year. (You may be surprised to find that she's wanted to, but didn't want to take away "your thing.") If you drag your kids to the town Christmas tree lighting every year, but no one loves it, let it go.  If you force yourself to stay up till the ball drops, go to sleep. I promise, the year will change even if you're not counting it down.

  3. My main holiday stressor is shopping. I've found online shopping to be the greatest thing since sliced bread for the last few years.  I have some friends who get more stressed when they shop online (or from catalogs) because they're afraid it won't get there on time. Where are you on that continuum? Figure it out and then plan your most unstressful shopping season ever.

  4. Speaking of shopping, work on whittling away some of that list.  Yes, there are people you have to buy things for. (Your children for example.) I bet, though that there are people on your list that you could easily scratch off and just inform them that you'd rather not exchange gifts this year.  My sister-in-law and I have only bought gifts for each other's kids for the past five years or so and it's been great. I also don't exchange gifts with most of our friends. Maybe I sound Scroogey, but I'm not a stressed Scrooge, anyway.

  5. And, while we're talking about list whittling, really, your kids do not need every single thing they put on their lists. I always ask my girls what is the one most important thing they want for Christmas and do my best to get that one thing. Pretty much anything else is at my discretion.

  6. Be generous with your kids' Christmas lists. By this, I mean, give them to everyone who shops for your children.  Tell them specifically what your kids want, or need. It works for yourself, too. I'm pretty sure my mother-in-law is getting me a new steam cleaner for Christmas this year, because I let her know that I really like hers. (And just in case there was any amiguity there, I know she reads my column!)  Don't be afraid to tell people what to buy. Chances are they don't really know what you want or need, anyway, so this takes some pressure off them, and saves you from having extra stuff lying around.

  7. Stop sending Christmas cards. There. I said it. I have never sent out a single Christmas card. Ever. I am friends with my Christmas card list on Facebook, and they can see pictures of my kids there.  No need to kill eight trees so they have a hard copy.  What ends up happening with all these cards, anyway? Well, yes, I admit I do keep most of the cards with the kids' pictures on them. But the other ones? Garbage on January 1st. And I feel guilty about it. There is no law that says you have to send Christmas cards and if it stresses you out (like it stresses me out), skip it.

  8. Don't wrap anything.  A couple years ago, I made reusable gift sacks for my kids and my nephews. I put all their presents inside, and they pull them out. No wrapping paper. No tape. No trying to find time to do yet another thing.

  9. Make it your mission this month to do something nice for yourself every single day. No matter what else is going on; who isn't coming to Christmas dinner because they're mad at Aunt Fanny, or not being able to find that stupid Lalaloopsy Silly Hair doll for under seventy bucks, or the printer spelling your last name wrong on your cards (seriously, just skip them); make sure you take a few minutes out and remind yourself how awesome you are.  You stress yourself out every year to make the holidays perfect for everyone. That takes a very special person.  The type that cares more about others than they do about themselves. So have a cup of hot cocoa, and watch Rudolph. You can finish signing all those cards later.
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